Unwritten rule by Indians

In general relations there are few thing we take for grated with our relatives, friends, colleagues etc.
Few of these things can be understood but few are really not.
Here is one which I really can’t understand.

As Indian who is staying outside India I face this question every time I call back home. (not to parents, but to other relatives where my frequency of calling is very poor I think once in 1-2 months)
“Tu Call hi nahi karta, bhul gaya hamko? ” (translation: you don’ t call, have you forgotten us?)

Well is there any unwritten rule or culture that Indian who is staying outside India is the only one who is responsible to keep in touch/ calling to the folks back home?

If he/she doesn’t call it means he/she forgotten them, isn’t that one sided?
Can’t he/she say that folks back home has forgotten him/her they are not calling?
Why this assumption?
Please explain.

Note: Don’t assume that he/she is rich or has free calling to India. :)


14 Responses to “Unwritten rule by Indians”

  1. Nayar says:

    Maybe they don’t want to call you at inconvenient times. They’ll assume you’ll call them when you’re free

  2. g. says:

    As European, which has been abroad for some time, I an can assure you that this is not only an Indian fact. But also as European I have a hard time to understand that assumption.
    A similar phenomenon appears if you, like me, move to a town nearby. Nobody will ever come to visit you, but they complain that you never visit them.

    • TheBlackCat says:

      I am an American living in Europe, and my parents have no problem whatsoever calling me. When my Chinese (then) girlfriend was living in Europe, contact was also a two-way thing with her family back home.

  3. istok says:

    Speaking as a European, my mother expects me to call her. And sadly, if I don’t, she will! I mean it’s always the same, do I eat properly and do I work too hard. It wears a person down after a while. My extended family certainly does not expect anything from me. I’ll see them at weddings and funerals and that’s that. I guess maybe Indians are more closely knit at family level anyway, so this becomes apparent when you leave the country.. another thing, to be honest, people do tend to “forget” others. And it’s no crime. It’s just life.

  4. Gunni says:

    Thats normal. I know many people living here in town and you hear it everytime “You never call or come around”, most time i answer with “When did you call me, did you came around here?” and you may guess the answer 😉

  5. it's simple says:

    I guess people feel, without saying it:
    “You’re the one that ran away and abandoned.”
    Making you responsible for calling them.

  6. mtz says:

    As an african who live abroad,i will say its a universal thing.

    Those who are away are expected to call home.They know how home is,you know how home is,they dont know how abroad is,you know how abroad is.You can for example know when its a good time to call since you know people’s schedules or you can undertand it based on how they were living while you were at home.They do not know your schedule,cant really comprehend the time difference and how busy you are.

    In a sense,living abroad makes you a stranger of some sort and its up to you to keep the familiarity going.You know things they dont know or care about and hence should also pay attention what you talk about.

  7. Martin says:

    Don’t worry: Dutch people act precisely the same, even when you’re staying as close abroad as Germany or the UK…

  8. anonymity is great says:

    I guess in many cases your note applies: people just assume that you live in a “rich” country in which the streets are paved with gold and money is plentiful and you just have to open your arms in order to have them filled with money (it doesn’t help when fellow citizens go down the crime route and indeed collect huge amounts of money (illegally) and when they come home rich dare not say that they got the money in an illegal way and just say: it is easy to make money in the west). So people back home assume you are the rich one and you have enough money to call anywhere.

  9. Venky80 says:

    Yes it is bullshit and needs to change , good on you for calling it out.

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